"My soul is bare, my spirit battered, My heart inside is ripped and tattered... My pain is almost too much to bare, No pain before has ever compared."

I know things are supposed to get worse before they get better, but why is it that every time they appear to get better, they rip you apart even more? It's really hard for anyone to see me cry, but every day they see a fake smile that I've plastered onto my face. I hate it when I'm lied to, i don't care about the things you lied to me about, it's that i was stupid enough to believe what you told me and that i wasn't good enough for the truth. But.. i mean i don't know? I doubt anyone ever reads these things, haha.
Who ever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" forgot about the phrase "out of sight, out of mind." I remember every night during the summertime i would lay on the roof before i slept, I'd look up at the sky waiting to see a shooting star, then make the same wish.. over and over. But, for some reason it never came true. I still do it every summer, wishing the same thing, filling myself up with false hopes, pretending I'm happy. The thing I've been wishing for every year, every night of those crisp early mornings (4am) was that I'd find true happiness. I mean, yeah, i hurt inside every day because i lost him, but sometimes everything has to fall apart for other things to fall into place. he's the thing saving me, yet he's wrecking me all at the same time.
I kinda thought it was always unfair that one person could ruin the trust for everyone else after a broken heart. But after all that I've been through these past few months, i now understand that to judge people in the situation I'm now in was wrong.