I've been finding it hard to place myself lately. Life hasn't been bad, but it hasn't been fantastic either. I don't know how the legendary mood I was in all day yesterday could have turned sour so fucking quickly.I think I know ultimately what the trigger to my depression was.


No matter how good someone makes you feel, no matter how wanted, loved and valued they make you feel - there's ALWAYS some cunt who'll make you feel 10 times worse than what you did before.


I push away, and i fall. Then i wonder what happens, in reality it's my fault. How long is it going to take this time? I'm not betting on over 3 months really. We're both fragile and still partly broken. Maybe our hearst where confused and that's the reason they decided to intertwine. But now the confusion is turning into some sort of massive chaos. How much longer do i really have a hold on my sanity anyways? I feel like nothing i do is honestly good enough anymore. Living with people I looked up to when i was younger disapproving of everything, well.. that doesn't help much either, you know? Maybe if i held on to hope and didn't push away things would work. But what has hope brang me in the past? Nothing but a broken heart, is what.



Sigh, I don't know. Things will work themselves out i guess. Liek always. Not sure of the outcome though..